Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Kaagaz Ke Phool - a review

Kaagaz Ke Phool - a film by Guru Dutt, is considered a classic. Having watched it just yesterday in college for the first time the impression is still fresh in my head. The opening and closing scenes of the film are striking and well thought, something that stays with you for a long time. The movie begins with an old and lonely director Suresh Sinha played by Guru Dutt who is standing in front of a studio where a big statue is partially shown in the scene (rendering only the feet visible). The feet of the statue frame the aged man as he stands; this is symbolic of the main theme of the film, which is about the frailness and diminutive authority and control that man has over things that surround him and also his own life.

The flashback sequence shows us a magnificent set, grand and impressive it rightly highlights the glitz and glamour of his golden days at the peak as he reminisces his past. Some of the scenes where young girls flock to get a glimpse of him and maybe an autograph, and people attracted by the show of films, are really well thought and that shows in the execution.

As the plot progresses we see the director – Suresh Sinha and his find Shanti fall in love with each other. As this growing closeness causes more trouble in his already troubled married life. More so with the coming of Pammi who extracts a promise from her to leave, Shanti finally goes away to a village and becomes a teacher. Suresh on the other hand, can’t stand on his own, without Pammi, his daughter and now having Shanti left too – he is completely alone and depressed. Rocky (his brother in law) brings her back, in order to get Sinha’s life back on track. But when Shanti tries helping Suresh, his ego comes in the way and he refuses. He would never take help from anybody, he rather surrender himself to self-pity and alcohol.

I feel he was not what we nowadays call, that ‘into’ the girl. The film depicts two people who understand each other very well but can't be together. But I still have some questions. When Pammi leaves him, why doesn’t Suresh go up to Shanti and resolve the issue and show her that her absence didn’t really help salvage his marriage. Also Suresh enjoys her simple hero-worship of him without really responding. He just likes being loved unconditionally and Shanti knows this. In the end nobody learns anything, nobody cries, and Suresh dies in the pit. Life moves on. Suresh in particular, but Shanti too, have plenty of opportunities to improve the course of their lives, and their persistent refusal to take advantage of them, can get on your nerves. They refuse to take responsibility for there own happiness.

But the cinematography as always is a highlight of Dutt's films. The use of lighting is fitting, as it accentuates the grimness. The use of light during the screening of Sinha’s ‘Devdas’ at the premiere is a good example of the clever use of light. Dutt also used overlapping images and, the camera often moves and lingers creating a mesmerizing effect. ‘Waqt ne kiya’ is a memorable track from the film not only because of meaningful lyrics and haunting voices, but also because of the way it has been beautifully shot. The camera work is remarkable, to V.K. Murthy’s credict who created the light beams and lenses for Dutt. The sliding lime lights and later sliding martinis worked very well, they just show the creativity even more in the making of the film.


It is India’s first cinemascope film; has wonderful sets, good direction, fine lighting, superb acting, well choreographed frames to boast about, and in all a very well made film!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

The Shortest Poem

In July that year, when he first showed me emotions,
I saw a person who could cry for me,
Who felt pain if i was away. :)

But in April this year, when I saw him lie on my face,
It all came crashing down!
End of story. 


(Written at my Maasi's place while I was out with my parents, last piece written about my breakup. Will never write anything about it. Doesn't deserve that space in my head or heart anymore. And I thought he cared. :I )

27th May 2013, 05.04 pm. 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I bought your freedom

I bought your freedom my soft toy,
My green bunny, my cuddly boy
For this day, I saved my cash
So I could buy things and make it match,
Our expenses were almost the same,
He spent a little more, but he earned as well
I am still in college, so you can tell
How hard it must have been for me
Right in front my break up, I could see!

I could see it clearly coming my way,
So I did the best I could to pay,
Him somehow the money for my cute little baby,
Cause I knew that is something I could never give up, maybe
A clever decision, I am proud of it now
Decluttering my life, getting space to grow.

I bought your freedom my soft toy,
My green bunny, my cuddly boy!

Today when removing all those memory triggers from my life,
I am glad I literally ‘bought’my bunny back!
Leaving him would’ve be even more painful than the actual breakup,
It was love at first sight,
It was love at first sight,
His bright green fur, lights up my life! :D

(I know the last two lines are hilarious, but I wrote this poem in jest and it suited the mood and the flow, I was happy writing it, so didn’t change anything)  :)
written while preparing for exams on 12th may 2013 at 12:45 pm

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Ups and Downs...

Ups and downs in life 
Come and go
I cry, I fell down
Back on my toes
Got a broken heart 
Put a band-aid, off I go
All said and done I know one thing for sure
I love my dad the most!

I wish to find someone like him,
But seeing people around, I drop my whim
My dad is creative, intelligent, a helping hand
But most of all he loves my mom so much
It shows in his eyes.
There love so strong, 
There love so sweet.
How could I ever find someone like him!?

Oh papa, I love you and my heart cries for another you,
Who could love me as much as you do,
Can I truly find another you?

Ups and downs in life 
Come and go
I cry, I fell down
Back on my toes
Got a broken heart 
Put a band-aid, off I go
All said and done I know one thing for sure,
I love my dad the most!

Written sometime in April 2013 :) 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

It felt so right 'to me'

I held onto his every word,
I believed everything, he said
blind to the core
where the fuck was my head? =0

Proud of my brains,
intelligent than the rest,
that's what I thought,
about myself,
till I met you!

You who put everything in perspective,
I know now, I too do have a heart
Cause otherwise it wouldn't have hurt so much.
I thought I coudln't cry for anyone
except myself, but now I cry every night
For could I not see
it clearly then?
How could I be so stupid?

Even now when I know the reality,
Why do I still believe everything he said,
At times when I am alone or even
when with people
A song or a line reminds me of him
tears well up my eyes and I cry.

My gut feeling was always right,
but this is proving me wrong,
and that hurts more than anything
it felt so right 'to me'
But it felt so right 'to me'

Written during the end of March 2013 in class.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

It’s very difficult for me

Look it’s very difficult for me
To pretend as if everything’s all right
When nothing is going right between us
It’s difficult to keep laughing
When all I want is to cry
 I like talking to you
But when we have to part
Talking everyday to you
Will only make it harder for me later
Having said that, do whatever you feel is right
You know better
I don’t want to hold any hard feelings or grudges towards you
Please don’t make it hard for me than it already is!

Written on 14th February 2013 – Valentine’s Day bwahahahaha 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Obsessed with words

You are obsessed with words,
More than enabling, they set limits,
You ask us to write a frame,
As if it’s a story.
Off course every photo has a tale,
But when we have ink, pen and our hands,
Why can’t we just draw it out?
Easier for us to get the message across,
Easier for you to understand,
More close to reality.
Why are you then so obsessed with word?
Words that set limits,
Words that are ultimately just words,
Not visuals to please the eyes.
Sir, in the end I have just one thing to say
Why stress the brain,
When you can soothe the eyes!

< I had written this for a professor who i find cute as a teddy, but didn't like him at all when he spoke about writing out "photographic' frames and explaining them :( when one could just draw them >

Written on 23rd January 2013 at 12:13 pm 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

The curious case of the girl with a 'Pink' backpack

When I had read Virginia Woolf’s essay ‘A Room of One's Own I had not really understood what the hue and cry was all about… after all what difference could one room really make! I didn’t like the essay and quickly forgot about it…only to be reminded of it years later. I didn’t really want to attend my mama’s wedding, had my parents not forced I wouldn’t have gone. I like my mama a lot but Ii feel that shaadi as a function is not so much about emotions as it is about show-shaw! So grudgingly when I packed my blue and orange traveling bag, I thought if I should carry a backpack along. As I would obviously go with the baraat and would not be carrying my traveling bag with me then, I decided I should carry my cute pink backpack.

So after reaching Kanpur (the venue for shaadi), I realised that we were the second family from our long list of relatives to arrive at the place where all the guests were supposed to stay. For the next three days and even later guests kept trickling in, people hugged each other like long lost brothers and why wouldn’t they? I had seen so many people again after years, some had changed so much I couldn’t recognize them, some I couldn’t remember, and those who I had expected to change still were the same. And with the growing number of people, increased the amount of chatter and along with that came petty fights, bruised egos, and random gossip which sooner or later lead to the formation of small groups, this vs. that. These groups could be based on something as frivolous as - the preference of rice over chapatti, or the likeness of one time over the other for breakfast/ lunch/dinner! =I

So in this atmosphere for a person who is very fond of her relatives and is very social at such extended family get together’s (sarcasm intended) ;) I decided if I stayed in that house bustling with people for long I would go mad with the tittle-tattle or get in a fight with someone who is conservative or a misogynist. I have a flair for getting into fights for someone completely uninvolved. I secretly want to be Dabbang or Singham (take your pick) and often end up in a clash of thoughts and ‘words’ with elders trying to protect somebody else’s idea who at times is not even present during the conversation. :P

So with my bright pink backpack which screams ‘I am a girl’ I would every morning, which would be 11-12 pm, go and walk around the place on foot and discover new things and places. I even got some really nice clicks. :D I hate wasting time and I utilized that time fruitfully thanks to my pink backpack. But for some people that bag become an irritant, why would that bag be constantly strapped on me? For some it was amusing, and for some it was just a part of funny banters and jokes. Some people in fact opened it and ransacked through it to see what was that ‘secret’ something that I couldn’t live without and carried everywhere with me. But being the cool girl I am, I happily showed it to them. Yet there were people, who didn’t even take permission and went through the contents, forgetting in the hurry to keep things back in the right order.

After the shaadi got over, and we got back from Kanpur, the memories which stuck to my head for the longest time were the one’s surrounding my pink backpack. It opened my eyes and gave me a whole new perspective on the essay by Virginia Woolf – it didn’t seem as outdated now, people in general seem to have a problem with anything that a girl owns privately, the society at large has a difficulty accepting a girl who can be on her own, and in fact likes to be alone. ‘A Room of One's Own’ wasn’t only about owning a room, it was about any private space, including a bag which a girl, a woman owns and carries with her almost all the time. Those who are intrigued, interested or even intimated by such a woman want a peek inside her bag, to check if she is carrying weapons for destroying patriarchy, which they love so much. In my case my bag only had – a notepad, a pen, a book and a camera.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Sometimes I feel...

Sometimes I feel you mean so little to me,
Do I even love you?
Love you enough as to stay with you for long even if not forever!
Then I go back through all the memories we’ve shared,
Through all the stupid pranks and silly fights,
Our nicknames and code words,
My laughter that echoes through years that have passed,
Between you, me, between both of us.
Would I have it someone?
Would I like to have it with someone else?
I am unsure,
But when I have in you all that I need,
Why should I look for another you?
You mean a lot to me,
Yes I love you,
Love you enough to stay with you for long and maybe even forever!

written on 14 november 2012, 12:34 raat ko 
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Kaagaz Ke Phool - a review

Kaagaz Ke Phool - a film by Guru Dutt, is considered a classic. Having watched it just yesterday in college for the first time the impression is still fresh in my head. The opening and closing scenes of the film are striking and well thought, something that stays with you for a long time. The movie begins with an old and lonely director Suresh Sinha played by Guru Dutt who is standing in front of a studio where a big statue is partially shown in the scene (rendering only the feet visible). The feet of the statue frame the aged man as he stands; this is symbolic of the main theme of the film, which is about the frailness and diminutive authority and control that man has over things that surround him and also his own life.

The flashback sequence shows us a magnificent set, grand and impressive it rightly highlights the glitz and glamour of his golden days at the peak as he reminisces his past. Some of the scenes where young girls flock to get a glimpse of him and maybe an autograph, and people attracted by the show of films, are really well thought and that shows in the execution.

As the plot progresses we see the director – Suresh Sinha and his find Shanti fall in love with each other. As this growing closeness causes more trouble in his already troubled married life. More so with the coming of Pammi who extracts a promise from her to leave, Shanti finally goes away to a village and becomes a teacher. Suresh on the other hand, can’t stand on his own, without Pammi, his daughter and now having Shanti left too – he is completely alone and depressed. Rocky (his brother in law) brings her back, in order to get Sinha’s life back on track. But when Shanti tries helping Suresh, his ego comes in the way and he refuses. He would never take help from anybody, he rather surrender himself to self-pity and alcohol.

I feel he was not what we nowadays call, that ‘into’ the girl. The film depicts two people who understand each other very well but can't be together. But I still have some questions. When Pammi leaves him, why doesn’t Suresh go up to Shanti and resolve the issue and show her that her absence didn’t really help salvage his marriage. Also Suresh enjoys her simple hero-worship of him without really responding. He just likes being loved unconditionally and Shanti knows this. In the end nobody learns anything, nobody cries, and Suresh dies in the pit. Life moves on. Suresh in particular, but Shanti too, have plenty of opportunities to improve the course of their lives, and their persistent refusal to take advantage of them, can get on your nerves. They refuse to take responsibility for there own happiness.

But the cinematography as always is a highlight of Dutt's films. The use of lighting is fitting, as it accentuates the grimness. The use of light during the screening of Sinha’s ‘Devdas’ at the premiere is a good example of the clever use of light. Dutt also used overlapping images and, the camera often moves and lingers creating a mesmerizing effect. ‘Waqt ne kiya’ is a memorable track from the film not only because of meaningful lyrics and haunting voices, but also because of the way it has been beautifully shot. The camera work is remarkable, to V.K. Murthy’s credict who created the light beams and lenses for Dutt. The sliding lime lights and later sliding martinis worked very well, they just show the creativity even more in the making of the film.


It is India’s first cinemascope film; has wonderful sets, good direction, fine lighting, superb acting, well choreographed frames to boast about, and in all a very well made film!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

The Shortest Poem

In July that year, when he first showed me emotions,
I saw a person who could cry for me,
Who felt pain if i was away. :)

But in April this year, when I saw him lie on my face,
It all came crashing down!
End of story. 


(Written at my Maasi's place while I was out with my parents, last piece written about my breakup. Will never write anything about it. Doesn't deserve that space in my head or heart anymore. And I thought he cared. :I )

27th May 2013, 05.04 pm. 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I bought your freedom

I bought your freedom my soft toy,
My green bunny, my cuddly boy
For this day, I saved my cash
So I could buy things and make it match,
Our expenses were almost the same,
He spent a little more, but he earned as well
I am still in college, so you can tell
How hard it must have been for me
Right in front my break up, I could see!

I could see it clearly coming my way,
So I did the best I could to pay,
Him somehow the money for my cute little baby,
Cause I knew that is something I could never give up, maybe
A clever decision, I am proud of it now
Decluttering my life, getting space to grow.

I bought your freedom my soft toy,
My green bunny, my cuddly boy!

Today when removing all those memory triggers from my life,
I am glad I literally ‘bought’my bunny back!
Leaving him would’ve be even more painful than the actual breakup,
It was love at first sight,
It was love at first sight,
His bright green fur, lights up my life! :D

(I know the last two lines are hilarious, but I wrote this poem in jest and it suited the mood and the flow, I was happy writing it, so didn’t change anything)  :)
written while preparing for exams on 12th may 2013 at 12:45 pm

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Ups and Downs...

Ups and downs in life 
Come and go
I cry, I fell down
Back on my toes
Got a broken heart 
Put a band-aid, off I go
All said and done I know one thing for sure
I love my dad the most!

I wish to find someone like him,
But seeing people around, I drop my whim
My dad is creative, intelligent, a helping hand
But most of all he loves my mom so much
It shows in his eyes.
There love so strong, 
There love so sweet.
How could I ever find someone like him!?

Oh papa, I love you and my heart cries for another you,
Who could love me as much as you do,
Can I truly find another you?

Ups and downs in life 
Come and go
I cry, I fell down
Back on my toes
Got a broken heart 
Put a band-aid, off I go
All said and done I know one thing for sure,
I love my dad the most!

Written sometime in April 2013 :) 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

It felt so right 'to me'

I held onto his every word,
I believed everything, he said
blind to the core
where the fuck was my head? =0

Proud of my brains,
intelligent than the rest,
that's what I thought,
about myself,
till I met you!

You who put everything in perspective,
I know now, I too do have a heart
Cause otherwise it wouldn't have hurt so much.
I thought I coudln't cry for anyone
except myself, but now I cry every night
For could I not see
it clearly then?
How could I be so stupid?

Even now when I know the reality,
Why do I still believe everything he said,
At times when I am alone or even
when with people
A song or a line reminds me of him
tears well up my eyes and I cry.

My gut feeling was always right,
but this is proving me wrong,
and that hurts more than anything
it felt so right 'to me'
But it felt so right 'to me'

Written during the end of March 2013 in class.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

It’s very difficult for me

Look it’s very difficult for me
To pretend as if everything’s all right
When nothing is going right between us
It’s difficult to keep laughing
When all I want is to cry
 I like talking to you
But when we have to part
Talking everyday to you
Will only make it harder for me later
Having said that, do whatever you feel is right
You know better
I don’t want to hold any hard feelings or grudges towards you
Please don’t make it hard for me than it already is!

Written on 14th February 2013 – Valentine’s Day bwahahahaha 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Obsessed with words

You are obsessed with words,
More than enabling, they set limits,
You ask us to write a frame,
As if it’s a story.
Off course every photo has a tale,
But when we have ink, pen and our hands,
Why can’t we just draw it out?
Easier for us to get the message across,
Easier for you to understand,
More close to reality.
Why are you then so obsessed with word?
Words that set limits,
Words that are ultimately just words,
Not visuals to please the eyes.
Sir, in the end I have just one thing to say
Why stress the brain,
When you can soothe the eyes!

< I had written this for a professor who i find cute as a teddy, but didn't like him at all when he spoke about writing out "photographic' frames and explaining them :( when one could just draw them >

Written on 23rd January 2013 at 12:13 pm 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

The curious case of the girl with a 'Pink' backpack

When I had read Virginia Woolf’s essay ‘A Room of One's Own I had not really understood what the hue and cry was all about… after all what difference could one room really make! I didn’t like the essay and quickly forgot about it…only to be reminded of it years later. I didn’t really want to attend my mama’s wedding, had my parents not forced I wouldn’t have gone. I like my mama a lot but Ii feel that shaadi as a function is not so much about emotions as it is about show-shaw! So grudgingly when I packed my blue and orange traveling bag, I thought if I should carry a backpack along. As I would obviously go with the baraat and would not be carrying my traveling bag with me then, I decided I should carry my cute pink backpack.

So after reaching Kanpur (the venue for shaadi), I realised that we were the second family from our long list of relatives to arrive at the place where all the guests were supposed to stay. For the next three days and even later guests kept trickling in, people hugged each other like long lost brothers and why wouldn’t they? I had seen so many people again after years, some had changed so much I couldn’t recognize them, some I couldn’t remember, and those who I had expected to change still were the same. And with the growing number of people, increased the amount of chatter and along with that came petty fights, bruised egos, and random gossip which sooner or later lead to the formation of small groups, this vs. that. These groups could be based on something as frivolous as - the preference of rice over chapatti, or the likeness of one time over the other for breakfast/ lunch/dinner! =I

So in this atmosphere for a person who is very fond of her relatives and is very social at such extended family get together’s (sarcasm intended) ;) I decided if I stayed in that house bustling with people for long I would go mad with the tittle-tattle or get in a fight with someone who is conservative or a misogynist. I have a flair for getting into fights for someone completely uninvolved. I secretly want to be Dabbang or Singham (take your pick) and often end up in a clash of thoughts and ‘words’ with elders trying to protect somebody else’s idea who at times is not even present during the conversation. :P

So with my bright pink backpack which screams ‘I am a girl’ I would every morning, which would be 11-12 pm, go and walk around the place on foot and discover new things and places. I even got some really nice clicks. :D I hate wasting time and I utilized that time fruitfully thanks to my pink backpack. But for some people that bag become an irritant, why would that bag be constantly strapped on me? For some it was amusing, and for some it was just a part of funny banters and jokes. Some people in fact opened it and ransacked through it to see what was that ‘secret’ something that I couldn’t live without and carried everywhere with me. But being the cool girl I am, I happily showed it to them. Yet there were people, who didn’t even take permission and went through the contents, forgetting in the hurry to keep things back in the right order.

After the shaadi got over, and we got back from Kanpur, the memories which stuck to my head for the longest time were the one’s surrounding my pink backpack. It opened my eyes and gave me a whole new perspective on the essay by Virginia Woolf – it didn’t seem as outdated now, people in general seem to have a problem with anything that a girl owns privately, the society at large has a difficulty accepting a girl who can be on her own, and in fact likes to be alone. ‘A Room of One's Own’ wasn’t only about owning a room, it was about any private space, including a bag which a girl, a woman owns and carries with her almost all the time. Those who are intrigued, interested or even intimated by such a woman want a peek inside her bag, to check if she is carrying weapons for destroying patriarchy, which they love so much. In my case my bag only had – a notepad, a pen, a book and a camera.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Sometimes I feel...

Sometimes I feel you mean so little to me,
Do I even love you?
Love you enough as to stay with you for long even if not forever!
Then I go back through all the memories we’ve shared,
Through all the stupid pranks and silly fights,
Our nicknames and code words,
My laughter that echoes through years that have passed,
Between you, me, between both of us.
Would I have it someone?
Would I like to have it with someone else?
I am unsure,
But when I have in you all that I need,
Why should I look for another you?
You mean a lot to me,
Yes I love you,
Love you enough to stay with you for long and maybe even forever!

written on 14 november 2012, 12:34 raat ko